The pouring rain did absolutely nothing to discourage the tens of thousands of people who descended on Santa Monica Boulevard for West Hollywood's annual Halloween Carnival. 

 

The streets were packed, so we made our way to Micky's, where the line outside was ridiculous. Luckily, a good friend got me through the door. Thanks for the cuts!

 

Inside, the go-go boys were doing their thing, the music was blaring and there was no shortage of debauchery. I started sweating in places I shouldn’t . I'd forgotten how much fun WeHo can be.

 

From there, we headed over to Sweetwater, where Bernie Gambino, the owner and grand dame of lesbian nightlife, was holding court.

Sweetwater is a gathering place for women who love women, the LGBTQ+ community, and their friends. On Halloween, it was packed, and I was delighted to see a sapphic space after a decades-long drought. I even spotted my Starbucks barista. "Iced Quad Shot in a Venti Cup, is that you, Aggi?"

 

Bernie sent us up to the DJ booth, then got busy doing what Bernie does best - getting the crowd going by personally setting off confetti and bubbles over the crowd. She certainly knows how to keep a party going.

 

Bernie wrapped up the night with some adorable Halloween shots, generously topped with whipped cream and a candy corn clitoris. The trick, of course, is finding it.

 

I took the shortcut down Vaseline alley and watched a cow get a blow job from a rag doll, a pirate passed out in the bushes at the post office and ordered my uber home.

 

$115 for my Uber. Now that's indecent exposure.